How are you doing?
How many times have you been asked that question and then rotely answered, “Fine, how are you?”
We often go through our days on autopilot, maybe too busy to stop and notice how we’re really doing. If we’re not doing well, and pushing aside some tough feelings, it could catch up with us later tenfold. If we’re doing well and feeling happy, wouldn’t we want to highlight that feeling and truly enjoy it?
Try checking in with yourself a few times throughout the day. Stop what you’re doing (maybe set a little reminder alarm on your phone that notifies you every few hours), bring yourself into the moment by looking around and noticing what you see, then listening to the sounds around you, and then observing how you feel. What emotion or combination of emotions are you experiencing? Now that you’ve slowed down a bit and connected to the moment, how are you doing? Notice your feelings without attaching any judgement or analyzing. Just be aware.
Now let’s check in with the kids.
In this brief activity, kids can learn to check in with their own feelings – connecting with themselves while also connecting with you.
Here’s how a Check-In goes:
Sit down across from each other. Whether in a chair or on the floor, make your back a little taller, relax your shoulders, and rest your hands on your knees. Take a slow breath in, and a long breath out.
Explain the Check-In game this way: “I will hold up three fingers and name a color. You will look around and find three things in that color. Keep your answers in your head for now. I’ll know you have found your three things when you raise your hand. Next, I’ll hold up two fingers next to my ear. Listen carefully and notice two different sounds. Raise your hand when you’ve heard them both. Then, I will put my hands on my heart and pause. When I do that, notice any feelings you’re having.”
After the game, ask them to share their answers – and really listen to what they have to say. Validate their feelings and support them through it if needed. Tell them what you saw, heard and felt as well. At times the Check-In will spark a meaningful conversation, other times it will just be a fun little activity you share – either way, it’s a connection. A connection to the moment, to themselves, and to you.
When to check in:
· Before homework, a test, or any activity that requires focus
· When things are going well
· Before a difficult or anxiety-provoking task
· On a car ride
· Before/during/after school
· As a screen break
· Before bed
· Any time of day!
When you initially introduce the Check-In activity, choose a time when your child is in a relaxed mood – it’s easier to talk about our feelings when they’re positive or neutral. Once they get the hang of it, they’ll be better able to check in with a more difficult feeling. Schedule check-ins throughout the day.
Oprah says that people (and that includes kids!) want to be seen, heard, and feel that they matter. A Check-In lets your child know: I see you, I hear you, and I support you, through good feelings and bad.
